At 3:55 pm Pacific Daylight Time, a magnitude 2.7 quake rocked my world. I was in the bathtub and there was a loud thump-bang-boom and for a moment my safe, reliable world shook, rattled, and rolled. Now I’m munching popcorn, my ultimate in comfort food (that is, when I must refrain from the velvety, dark, wicked wiles of chocolate, which I currently must). By the way, if you love popcorn, try this: buy organic popcorn and pop it in organic unrefined coconut oil. Then, instead of butter, melt some organic ghee (butter clarified to remove the milk fat). Drizzle the melted ghee on your popped corn and finish with a teaspoon (or two) of sea salt. If you are — as I am — a fiend for popcorn, you will never want to eat theater-popped kernels ever again. Yep, it’s that good.
Today is dark and overcast in my corner of Northern California, which is rather odd for this time of year. Usually September and October bring us warm, golden days and cool, crisp nights. Today, however, is cool and shadow grey and I am feeling sad. I understand this is what I need to feel, yet I still fervently wish I could escape the clutches of grief. Whenever I weep I hear my Mother’s voice and my Father’s voice and the voices of my classmates: “Cry baby. You’re just a big baby. You’re too sensitive. You just want attention. You’re always crying. Grow up.”
Yikes! For a few minutes I thought the Universe was telling me I couldn’t talk about such things. Just as a I finished the previous paragraph, I clicked “Save and Continue Editing” and everything went blank. My wireless connection chose that exact moment to exhibit its fickle nature. Happily, WordPress saves my blog automatically at timed intervals. Which is only smart, I guess, with the Internet and life being so uncertain.
At any rate, back to my original thread. In thinking about my childhood while preparing popcorn, my (nearly) favorite childhood treat, a sudden insight/epiphany/revelation rocked my inner world. For a moment I wished I had memories of a happy childhood into which I could retreat when I’m feeling lonely or sad. Then I realized: If I had happy childhood memories, I might lose myself in them, stop growing and moving forward. The very fact of the (mostly) miserable memories from my growing up years keeps me on my current (and lifelong) path of personal growth, pushes me to seek soul fulfillment. Without those rotten recollections to spur me on, I might spend all my time trying to recapture what I lost. Instead, I work to create and maintain what I lacked — happiness.
Mind you, when I use that word — happiness — I ain’t envisioning bazillions of dollars, a residence on Nob Hill or in Trump Tower, a Lamberghini, and designer duds. What I see in my mind’s eye is self love without caveat or condition; self acceptance deep, total, and complete.
Whew. Well, that does it for me and blogging today, I think. Thank you, as always, for your attentive eyes and minds. I am deeply grateful for your regard.
~Love and Blessings,
Selene~
